When There Are Too Many Words…

January 24th, 2010

Written 1/24/2010

They say (I’m not really sure who “they” are, but I’ve heard “them” say this), that some people talk to think… and some people think to talk. As a story teller type person, I like words… As a type A personality, I tend to like words A LOT… and too many times, there are probably a few too many of my own words. Believe it or not, it’s not because I like to hear myself talk, I do enough of that to myself as it is and even I get tired of my talking, but there are many times when I can’t put into words the depth of what I mean to say, especially when I am writing something out. There are so many dots to connect and I can see them ALL, but it takes a lot of words to put them ALL together in some way that people can READ without falling sleep… HEY - wake up!

So when this happens, it is good to have someone who understands an economy of words and I have a close friend who is excellent with words. Jason Elkins is the editor of an online Christian magazine called “Transparent Christian Magazine” http://www.transparentchristianmagazine.com/ and it was one of these quirky emails that I got from him a few years ago now. “Hey Mike, this is Jason and you’ve been on my mind a lot lately and I was wondering if there was something that I can pray with you about” That is the FIRST time that a Christian has actually done that, I never forgot it. Last year at the CIA Summit, Jason, Belinda Jane and I were out for dinner talking about some experiences and I shared with him the turning point of my ministry.

Jason has taken my story and pared it down into something that says what I wanted to, in about half the words. It’s a story of being broken and healed in the little town of Murphy, NC. For many of you who have thanked me for my ministry, this is the moment that God really got through to me and put HIS ministry in action. Please Read on and then spend some time with the rest of Transparent Christian Magazine. It’s a place to make you think as you experience the stories and life experiences of others willing to be transparent about their lives.

Here’s the article:
http://www.transparentchristianmagazine.com/2010/01/25/1000-miles-for-an-audience-of-seven-spiritual-lessons-from-the-road-mike-westendorf/

“Undefined”

October 28th, 2009

Posted 10/28/09

Undefined is one of those funny words to me.  Maybe it’s because I use the “Undo” button in Word/Excel documents a lot and I just like the “Un” part of it.  Several years ago when I left my first weather company I knew that I was being led to do other things, music being a big one.  I had a great time with that company and I am grateful for the opportunities they gave me at Weather Eye.  An opportunity to grow as a leader and as a communicator.  Like any job it wasn’t always easy and there were stresses and strains and long hours like everybody has.  But in that job I was THE weather guy on about 200 radio stations across the country.  People knew who I was and enjoyed the weather forecasts/information that I provided along with some of the silliness of radio.  But like all things, they run their course and I knew it was time to move on.

That’s where it got interesting for me.  While I was at peace about leaving, I was going to a LOT of unknown.  I found myself working at Target and music as we had the time, all while hoping for an unknown, either work at UW-Milwaukee or The Weather Channel… or… Target…

I remember vividly the feeling that much like a river, my life had been defined by the high ground around me.  I was a river running in a well defined bank, flowing toward whatever was ahead.  The problem is that eventually the river eventually meets the sea - what happens to the river???  That’s what I felt like.  So much of what defined who I was, was suddenly gone.  And it left me sort of trying to figure out who I am and what would define my life now?

I wrote the refrain to this song after a songwriting trip to Nashville, TN on the long ride home, struggling to put the verses into words, while I nailed down the refrain.  The second verse came from a crazy series of events that reminded me how loss can leave us feeling numb… undefined, like we’re not sure who we are anymore.  I woke up from a bad dream, losing a part of my family.  I woke up and went into the kitchen, grabbed a pen and whatever I could write on and just started writing everything that came to mind in the vividness of the memory while it lasted.   I went back to bed.

That morning, I witnessed a car accident on block in front of me.  Everyone survived, but the tear streaked face of the little girl and her mother holding her will be engraved in my mind, while the kid who burned the red light was clearly in another world, trying to fully understand what had just happened.  10 minutes later, another near accident happened right in front of me and to top it all off on our way to visit an elderly couple with my kids that night, a dog ran out in front of my van.  Scream, screech, bump.  Thankfully the dog bounced, but I’m thinking to myself “OK… OK, I got it, second verse, I know what it is, let me get home and write it”.

I was left with how quickly life changes and how in those moments who we think we are, becomes nothing like the person we feel we are.  Hard to recognize the person in the mirror because we don’t feel like that person after experiencing the loss of the things that defined us.  A spouse, a job, wealth, health, family… remove any of those key things and it’s hard for us to feel like the same person.

The message of this song is that we are not truly defined by those things, but rather defined by the love of a God who never changes.  Though we age and we lose pieces of our lives, God’s promise, love and hope never change.  When we realize we were made in his image, meant to love him and be loved by him - when we hold onto our birthright as a child of God through Jesus Christ, we will never lose our identity, we will never be “undefined” - because “By Your Love, I am Defined”.

In all times, be defined by the God who knows you, loves you, empowers you.

“You Are Amazing”

September 15th, 2009

Posted 9/15/09

Several years ago, I saw something on a devotional that hit me hard the day I read them.  One a comment, the other a short prayer.  The comment was from John Bunyan who made this remark: “If we have not quiet in our minds, outwards comforts will do no more for us than a golden slipper on a gouty foot.”  The prayer for that day was simply “  Thank You, God, for what you have graciously chosen to give to me”.

These two comments have been sitting on my computer desk for the better part of 7 years when a simple refrain jumped into my head that echoed this simple prayer “Oh Lord, thank you, for what you’ve given me”.  From that refrain, I started thinking about the things that I have come to be thankful for… physical traits, the eyes to see, the rising sun, the light of the new day… for the spiritual blessings, the day we were made new in Christ, the time of Grace that we live and the joy of so many simple things…  for eternal significance and the sacrifice of Jesus that gives us a confident life now, here and the promise of a life after our body’s physical death…

Thanks to the support of so many people who have bought CD’s/shirts, the churches and venues that have sponsored this ministry, we were able to take this song to studio musicians in Nashville, TN.  Some of these guys have played on the biggest names around, they are built to do songs in a radio style and that is part of what we paid for… something that had today’s “sound”.  The end result is what you have heard and hopefully will hear more of.

The cool thing about this song is that it has taken life in three different identities.  As an upbeat live/fun concert song - as a praise/worship/radio type song and later on this year, as an acoustic psalm.

After getting the radio version of it back, I couldn’t help but think that this is a fitting song for all of us, no matter where we are in life.  “O give thanks unto the Lord”… for what?  For so many things.  When I close my eyes for the last time, I pray that I will continue to have the mind to look back over my lifetime of blessing in dark moments and in the joy filled moments and say “O Lord, thank you, for what you’ve given me”

I Can’t “Handle” Any More of This!

July 2nd, 2009

Posted 7/2/2009

I’ll bet you’ve heard the phrase “God will never give you more than you can handle”. You’ve heard that one right? You know, life is going down the drain, you’ve had the worst week of your life, you’re pretty good at finding the silver lining, but you’ve lost track of the clouds and the sun is going down on what was a pretty good life. And in the back of your mind you hear this little voice say - “God won’t give you more than you can handle”. Or another way I’ve heard it said “God won’t ALLOW more than you can handle”.

Did you ever feel like screaming “BUT I CAN’T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE!!!”

And then wind up feeling horrible about it. I don’t know about you, but I have been confused by the feelings of overwhelming pain or frustration only to feel guilty about it. My mind would argue that “well, God wouldn’t give me more than I can handle, so I guess I’d better suck it up”. I felt that somehow I wasn’t living up to my end of the bargain as a Christian and that God was, quite frankly, being pretty unfair OR he had dealt out the extra measure of life on the wrong guy.

If you have ever felt this way, I want to share with you something that I was reminded of recently at a College Campus Rally that I helped out at this year in Eau Claire, WI. This is the passage that we typically turn to with this whole thought:

1 Corinthians 10:13 - No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Most of the time we leave out the tempted part, but it’s important to note that this has to do with Temptation. He will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear. And he always does give us a way out. In fact Scriptures best advice is to FLEE temptation, most of the time we can’t stand up to it. In our pride when we don’t flee, we usually (or eventually) get nailed. The next passage is tough to read at first, but let it sink in and understand what it means for us.

2 Corinthians 1:8-9 - We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. 9Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

Paul does a lot of “SO THAT” in his writings. This happened SO THAT. God did this SO THAT. This review has been a great comfort to me because you know, there are times when I simply can’t bear it. There are times when I really can’t go on, but somehow I wake up the next day. There are times when I’m so broken that I can’t heal, yet in time I am healed. There are times when I have… when you have - nothing left…

And that’s OK. Because in those moments, we realize that this has happened SO THAT, we might not rely on ourselves, but on God. We are reminded of his promises to never leave us, we are promised life through faith in Christ even though our bodies die, we are promised what we need (even if it’s not always what we want). We are promised comfort, hope and peace, when we look to the Cross and see a Savior who connects us to the God who made us and the God who loves us.

So the next time you hear “God won’t give you more than you can handle”, remember he’s talking about temptation. Difficulties will come that are FAR more than we can handle, but he promises to be with us in those moments and to see us through them - SO THAT…

Paul finished it this way in vs. 10-11 -” He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.”

Little Big Steps

April 22nd, 2009

Posted 4/22/2009

Have you ever played the game “Captain May I”?  We play it around the house from time to time and of course one of the things the captain will say is “Adam… take 3 Big Steps (captain may I?), yes you may”.  Abby, take 2 little steps (Captain May I?), yes you may…” and so on.  This idea of Big Steps is something that I’ve been thinking a bit about lately so here’s a thought -let me know what you think.

When it comes to matters of life and especially the Christian walk, ideally there are no BIG steps.  If we do it right, there are really only a bunch of little steps.  That “Big Step” becomes simply… the NEXT step.

Think about that for a second.  That choice of a college, a spouse, a house, what church to go to etc… they all tend to be significant choices.  How many times are we in a situation where we just don’t know how to make the decision.  We pray about it and we talk to people about it, but so often it is on this DECISION.  But when we stop to think about it… just HOW do we make those decisions?  Where do we find peace in it?  If you’re like me and it feels like a Big Step, then we probably have a few more little steps to go.

The thought I had was that, when we feel uneasy, apprehensive or anxious over some big decision or step in our lives we need to stop and take our focus from the “big step” to our Savior and ask what little steps need to be taken first.  When we walk down a road that we shouldn’t be walking down, there’s anxiety there.   I don’t know about you, but I have struggled with any number of big decisions, but the BEST decisions (the ones that work out and don’t backfire on us big time) are often ones that we have a lot of confidence in.  Why?  We’ve thought it out, sought counsel, been in prayer and as we take each step to answer the questions, we find the “leap of faith” becomes a simple act of obedience.  If that anxious feeling just won’t go away, we may not have only missed a few steps, we may be walking down the wrong road.

So anytime you’re feeling pressured to take a big step - take a step back and see how well you’ve walked in the little steps.  If you haven’t followed through, haven’t prayed about it, haven’t found advice and help you can trust, then chances are pretty good that you are taking a BIG STEP.  In my experience if when I feel that way, I’m usually in trouble.  If you have approached the step with the wisdom that comes through walking down the right road and taking every step - then it’s not a big step - it’s just simply… the NEXT Step.

Do you have any thoughts or examples on this idea?

Blessings to you as you be the blessing!

Mike

Inconvenience

March 2nd, 2009

Written March 3rd 2009

“God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” Genesis 1:31

Have you ever stopped to think about this statement? There was a time when God’s creation was complete the way he had intended it to be. A climate where human beings could live without clothing. A garden where what was needed was provided and a human nature that could be “content” with what it had. An intimacy between the created and it’s creator. A place without fear, without sin, without death. Ahh. It’s like breathing the air of the first truly spring day after a long winter isn’t it? But… sin would change that.

One of the things that I have tried to do during the Lenten season is go deeper than the traditional bible stories of Lent. To maybe understand Jesus passion and frustration, to understand God’s disappointment over what had happened way back in that garden so long ago. And I keep coming back to this passage thought in Genesis… It was Very Good. But sin would cause God to undertake a great and inconvenient process to put in motion the salvation of man by bringing Jesus into the world, to live and die, to pay the price so that through that sacrifice, we would be saved. In Old Testament times, the people had to sacrifice animals to atone for their sins, to make the very real connection that sin’s ultimate price is death and that the price for coming clean was blood. God put in place the various sacrificial laws that would eventually be fully realized in the sacrifice of Jesus.

If you were in the old Testament biblical times, it was something of an inconvenience to make the trek to the temple, buy the animal and have it sacrificed. I wonder how inconvenient it was for God to move through heaven and earth and the many years from that first sin until he comes again to set things aright, to once again be able to declare “it is very good”

It’s been a little while since we had the flu in the Westendorf household quite like this. Our youngest got it on Saturday and it was more than a little inconvenient. On the hour, every hour recleaning of bedroom sheets and wiping up floors. Only to have the triple play of my other two kids AND me getting hit with it within 3 hours of each other later the next day. Kids miss school, I miss part of work, my wife gets no sleep, we can’t eat, we can’t sleep… it’s seriously inconvenient. It makes me angry as I grow impatient at waiting for my life to give me the freedoms I’m used to having, to go back to normal. I think of the friends I have who are watching their children go through chemo, or bury a loved one and I think how inconvenient it all is.

But I’m reminded that while we all will be inconvenienced (which basically means I can’t do what I want to do when I want to) God willingly put this plan of salvation in motion and he did it all after he saw his creation and said “It is Very Good”. A plan that put God it at a great inconvenience, but one that will end with this old world and all it’s dingy grayness, death and decay being swept away like the first real day of spring. As we consider the many inconveniences that are thrown our way, I hope that in the middle of it all, we take away a small glimpse of the wonderfully, beautiful inconvenience that God has lived through until the day he looks again at his creation and can say “It is Very Good”

Keep Climbing with Christ

Our Second Place Finishes

February 5th, 2009

I coach Basketball for my son’s basketball teams.  I’ve been coaching/teaching on some level since I was 14 years old, so I’ve got around 20 years of experience doing it.  Recently, my B team basketball lost a thriller.  We had a chance to tie it with 6 seconds left after being down by 8 points with 54 seconds left.  The team we were playing had beaten us the night before by 12 points and we played scared the whole second half in that game.  I have not coached harder, even when I coached High School, than I did in this game.  After hitting a 2 point basket the kids set up the trap press perfectly.  I was standing 10 feet away screaming “Straight up, Straight up, no reach Straight Up” for 5 seconds.  The other team called Time Out just in time to save the 5 second call.  So I went back to coaching loudly to get them where they needed to be for the press and the inbounds.  I told them they needed to “sell out” it was all or nothing and then they’d have to foul and hope.  The kids stole the inbounds, 2 of my guys were on the floor, the big guy picks it up and kicks it out to my shooting guard who is standing wide open for a three. He gets a great look and it just misses as time expires.  We lose by 3.

My kids totally out played the other team.  While they were bigger and faster, we had devised a game plan to play to our strengths and exploit their weaknesses.  I started a 4th grader to play man to man on their BEST 6th grade player.  They hit back to back three pointers to start the second half and they hit a half court shot at the buzzer to end the third quarter, but I made them stick to the plan and motivated and coached as well as I could and they never stopped playing, never stopped believing.  I was NOT going to let them give up mentally, no matter what the score was, but they had to do the work.  When the buzzer sounded, we were the happiest, proudest group of 2nd placers that I’ve ever seen.  Our parents were louder and more appreciative and our team felt like it had one first place.  The score really didn’t matter… winning the game wasn’t as important as the way we had just played it.   Our second place finish was better than the first place trophy.

Ever think about that from God’s perspective?  We often ask for things, important things, selfless things and when we don’t get the first place prize, we often struggle to accept a second place answer from God.  Looking back at this game, I think about my recent struggles with overcommitedness and perhaps a touch of depression.  Dark places where I don’t want to be around other people, say things I might regret…  That empty feeling that doesn’t go away despite the fact that I KNOW what God says.  It’s a hard place to be when what we KNOW isn’t what we FEEL.  Knowing that we’re forgiven, loved, not alone doesn’t make the tightness in our stomach go away.  We see and know only the game plan, we may FEEL like it will never work.

I think back to this game and wonder how many times we hear God standing right next to us screaming through scripture and our personal history with Him “HOLD ON, THAT’S IT, ALMOST THERE, STRAIGHT UP - HOLD ON”.  We know the game plan and even though our bodies feel like quitting or letting go, there is often just enough strength to hold on - to put one more day on our resume, one more day to look back at how God carried us, motivated us, showed us the way.

Sometimes, in those dark places, we want the storm to stop.  That would be finishing in first place, that would be our first place trophy - instant peace, that pain would go away.  But all too often we get the second place finish - the one with some heartache, incredible amounts of hard work and a game plan that takes us down to the last shot.  How do we respond to the second place finish?  Here’s an example from scripture in Matthew:

25During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28″Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29″Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Peter is sinking he calls out to Jesus, who grabs him immediately - BUT THE STORM DOESN’T STOP!  They have to get back to the boat and THEN the storm dies down.  Peter’s response to the second place finish?  To worship God.

Praying that all our second place finishes are heartfelt, hard fought and well received as God coaches us through the dramatic wins and tough losses in Life.  Keep Climbing with Jesus!

Note To Self

December 1st, 2008

Note To Self (Written 1/2/08)

So it’s 1am and there’s been something simmering in the back of my mind for a while. Before I forget what I’m thinking I figured I’d better write it down and thought I’d do it here. I’m trying to take myself though some thoughts and there’s some things starting to come together so you’ll have to hear me out.

It all started out watching Michigan beat Florida today, coach Lloyd Carr’s last game. He’s a class act, great coach, someone I emulate in my various coaching type activities. One of the things he said today was that he loves the kids and thanked them because that’s what leaders do. He also said he”despised losing”. We’ve been talking about music ministries and missions and what we hope to do in 2008 and this got me thinking. Coach Carr despised losing and put forth every effort to do what he could to get those kids to “win”. When he lost, it hurt because… he lost and there were things that could have been done better. I think about the commitment to winning, but really it comes with a commitment to excellence, especially when you’ve been given gifts/talents. If you’ve been given excellent talents, to not use them would be to say that losing is… OK… I guess. OK, this is just me talking to myself right now so I’ll keep going.

I’ve been thinking about the passion, the single mindedness and passion and DISCIPLINE that it takes to be excellent at something. To have a clear goal ahead and the discipline to get there. Recently I’ve been fixed on acquiring the things/skills/resources/tools/advice/counseling. I’ve been playing by the rules, or so I thought. Trying to get the great product, the right look, the right sound, the target audience, the website traffic, the email addresses, the fans, the songs… but FOR WHAT and for WHAT PURPOSE??? It’s 1:20am and I’m beginning to realize I’m building a road map with no articulated goal. Furthermore, most of my focus has been on how “I” get there, to this place that I don’t know where IT is! HOW DID I GET TO THIS POINT?? WHAT AM I TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH?? DID I ASK GOD ABOUT IT FIRST??

So, while I”ve got a great agenda, I’ve realized that I’m too scared to tell people why I’m out here. I’ve realized too, that my purpose has typically been on helping other people “Get It”, the IT is usually why I think people should get whatever it is I’m saying. Confused? So am I.

When it comes right down to it, I don’t like to be rejected and I like it when I say something intelligent and people say “oh, that really made me think, or feel something, or see a bigger picture”. I like helping people and I like encouraging and I like it when they get what I’m trying to say. Have you caught it yet? I did tonight about 20 minutes ago. While I’m trying to help other people GET IT, I’m not really pursuing God, I’m pursing the need to feel good about what I’m saying. To feel smart, to confirm my worth through what other people think or say about me.

After all this I can tell you why I’m really doing this music ministry. It’s because I believe there’s more to the Christian life than what I learned in Sunday School. That God paints in colors that we haven’t dared to see and that I’m tired of the same old cliche Christian Life that I’ve read about and heard about and lived. The bible has some deep deep passages. How can I give thanks in ALL things??? How can I be content, no matter my circumstances? How do I praise God with a GLAD heart, instead of the one that still wants to be in bed, or doesn’t like the music we sang today? This music ministry has really been about pursing God on a personal level and a deeper level. I get so excited about the God that I see, hear, feel, read about, that I want you to GET IT. And furthermore, I want you to help me GET IT and I think that we as musicians and connoisseurs of Christian music, whether it be Bach or Smith, form a relationship that works better together than separately. It’s in my music that I’ve been able to express some of the things that I’ve been trying to say and it’s been my way of reminding myself of some great things that God has taught me.

So I’m asking God to help me despise losing and doing things for the sake of doing them because I need to have a website, or sound a certain way or have a certain look. I’ll do those things as they help me articulate my mission to pursue the beauty, the pains, the life that we’re blessed to live in Colors that We’ve Never Seen… to see the color through the ordinary gray lives that we sometimes drudge through. And you know what? I want you to come with me and if God has shown you beauty in your life, I want to know and see a faith that can actually see those colors.

Note to Self… God’s so much bigger and better than you’ve ever imagined. Pursue him, open your eyes and just share what you’ve seen… pursue with excellence, dedication, passion… Despise losing out to sin and laziness… Let God worry about the finances and what the website looks like and the music you’ll produce. Pursue him first, with excellence and all these things will be given to you as well. HEY WESTENDORF, I’M TALKING TO YOU!

p.s. It’s now 1:30. Good night

Story Behind the Song: Color Through the Gray

December 1st, 2008

Color Through the Gray

Well, we’ll finally be releasing the new CD project “commercially”, which is a big way of saying that all the packaging and final music production has been wrapped up and will be available at Indieheaven among other places. We’ve got the CD release week planned for Thursday September 18th - big concert event - at the point of grace, we’ve got the big “New Creation” Concert with 6 friends and artists on the 19th at St. Paul’s in Muskego WI and then a private house concert event on the 20th. It’s really fun to be apart of all this, but I want to take the next few months to do some writing about the songs on this project, staring with the title track. Sort of bring you into the story of this project.

Color Through the Gray - The Project:
The 9 songs on this CD were put together with some intent to share moments of color, some in vivid joy such as Prelude to Praise, some through the pain such as At a Time. We opened the stage for Building 429 in Wausau this year. Before they took the stage for the night an area of heavy showers and isolated storms move in. The skies darkened, it rained, the winds blew for about 10 minutes and then it moved east. All of a sudden the sun came out and the result was this huge double rainbow. Jason didn’t miss a beat when they hit the stage pointing out that Life/Satan will so often bring the storms/clouds, but God walks in, blows them out and says “you think that was impressive… check THIS out!” To add another touch to this - this was the 10th anniversary of this festival called - The Rainbow Valley Christian Music Festival” I think God was showing off!

The music/stories/songs from this project are meant for all of us, because on any given day at any given time, we may bask in the sun, we may sit in the rain, but all the while God is painting with the colors of heaven in the lives of those who know Christ. I pray this project will have some color to share with you!

Color Through the Gray - The Song
A friend of mine told me that the title track for this CD was more like 4 songs in one, that if I had wanted to I could have taken each verse or phrase and formed that though into an individual song. My brain doesn’t always work that way, besides the night I wrote it, I was feeling fairly down and a bit frustrated for a number of reasons. My wife and I were going to play cribbage and while she was reading a devotion book, I started writing. The prose for that were to become the overall focus of this project.

Color Through the Gray - written by Mike Westendorf
Lord I’d like to run away, from all the grayness of the world around me
What happened to the colors of the rainbow that I used to know?
What a show!
What do I owe to see it once again
To have the chance to see it once again.

Straining striving life contriving a box that holds, who I am and what I know
Where’s the pretty ribbons, wrappings, tape and packing
That decorates the small gray box that holds my soul.

Canvas unbordered… The brushes uncovered
Paint my life with colors that I’ve never seen, but used to dream
Before I learned that gray was color too, before I learned that gray was color too

Paint my life with colors seen through heavens eyes
Like the rainbow through the clouds that fill my skies
In all I do and think or say, please help me find a way
To somehow see the color through the gray
To somehow see the color - through the gray

When frustrations come, whether they’re a result of our own foolishness, the result of someone else’ mistakes or we just find ourselves lost in a gray period in our lives, how often don’t we look back and see the color in our lives? As adults, looking at the child with no responsibilities, a full refrigerator, cable TV and friends in the neighborhood. Now THAT was a colorful time. Interesting that we often forget the frustrations that we felt as a child, seeing a future that had more color than we could possibly have at the age of 10. Or when injury comes and we long to have the freedom to walk like we once did. Or when the ultimate reality of sin occurs, the bodily death of a friend or loved one, oh the color we miss. Scripture has a verse that I have long loved, because even in my most bitter moments, God is at work even when I can say nothing. - Romans 8:26-27 - 26In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will.

The hard part about Gray is that it’s still a color that we live through. Sometimes it’s easier to see details in an old black and white (gray) photo, but for most of us Gray is a time when we’re forced to live WITHOUT the color that we can remember or that we’ve hoped to see. We get put in, or too many times WE put ourselves into this small gray box and spend our lives trying to decorate the box. God’s desire is to stretch and grow us in this life, through the joy and in the pain, we begin to see the color you can only see in heaven. That God would turn us into that canvas so that he could paint the story of our lives so that when the gray times come, we can see through the gray to the color given to us in a life of faith. That was the gyst of this song. Maybe it says something different or more or less to you, I hope you’re able to take something from it.

Story Behind the Song: At a Time

December 1st, 2008
Mic Check by Mike Westendorf

The Story Behind the Song:

“At a Time”

When my wife was in High School, she had a seizure, not a small one either. It was the only one she had had to that point in her life and there was no explanation for it. She had been on a medication for seizures until we found out we were expecting our first child. At that point, the Doctors pulled her off it cold turkey since she hadn’t had a seizure in so many years. Two weeks later, she went down with a seizuer at work. That was a bad day.

Thankfully, God was with us and blessed us with a healthy baby boy who gives us joy and challenge to this day! When “we” were pregnant with our second child, the doctors were determined not to let that happen again. So we had more testing and a lot more scrutiny. I was working in downtown Minneapolis at the time, when I got the dreaded “911″ page on my pager (if you are under the age of 20, you likely have no idea what I’m talking about do you?!?). That page usually showed the home number and then 911 after it as a sign to call home, there’s an emergency. My wife, three months pregnant, had another seizure, hit her head on the dresser on the way down and needed me home.

My mind was racing. I left work headed west and with fear gripping at my heart and a desire, but failure to show Christian Maturity, I sped off for home. I can still remember the scene pretty well. Cloudy day, trying to drive no more than 10 mph over the speedlimit, pleading with God to give me patience and to show me what I needed to do. A ways in front of me was a truck with no trailer. As I was pulling in front of a minivan I was praying to the Lord… “Lord, you have been with us before. You have said you have plans for us to prosper us, not to harm us, to give us hope and a future. I want to be a mature Christian, but I don’t know how we get through it this time…”

At that exact moment I pulled clear of the mini van andlooked up at the back of the Tractor’s cab. On it was a bumper sticker with the words

ONE DAY AT A TIME

Floored that God would speak so clearly… I had nothing left to pray. Only to trust and deal with the opportunity to serve my wife and my Lord with what ever strength I had left. What I did not have, God would supply.

Does the stock market have you anxious? Have you lost a job? Is the money drying up? Has Cancer returned? Has a sickness never left? Is there lonliness or despair? How important is it for us in these moments to remember with the Psalmist “I will sing of the Lord’s great love Forever. With my Mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations.” That you and I remember specifically, the times God saw us through, the times God took our sinful perspective and helped us to see His view of our circumstances. Oh how we need to remember that in those difficult times. That we are pilgrims here, strangers experiencing God’s grace in this life, sharing it with others until the day we ourselves are called home.

While my daughter was a healthy child (strong willed too), I looked back at this moment and wrote this song to remind myself that, whatever we are dealing with right now, God has promised to be with us always, never leave, never forsake us. To not worry about tomorrow, but experience his love, his mercy and his blessing - one day at a time. The last part of the last refrain sums it up:

As worry tears away, the hopes you had today
put the burdens and the worries of your life
into His hands till you know, it’s by God’s grace that you’ll go
Living our your life, just one day at a time

In his strength and faithfulness we will climb that mountain of faith one day at a time. Keep Climbing!